7 Things You Need to Know and Do to be a Healthy Christian in the Same Church for the Long Haul

If you stay in a church for more than 8-10 years, you will need to build relationships with the “new people” of the church.

This takes work. This takes intentionality. This is good for you.

Otherwise, you will stay in the relational ghetto of “where the church was” years ago.

This is also good for the church. The new people need you to shepherd them, to befriend them, and to accept them. The new people need to hear stories of how the Holy Spirit has worked in this local community of faith.

You must be prepared to be disappointed. Frequently.

You will not like every sermon series. Or every staff hire. Or every programmatic or architectural design change in the church. Learning to be disappointed while still serving the church – with joy – is unbelievably good for your soul. And good for the church. 

Your favorite “pet ministry” will not be appreciated the way you think it should.

If God met you in a powerful way through a particular program in the life of the church – thank God for it. Don’t hold it too closely because God meets different people in different ways.

Don’t mistake the conviction of the Holy Spirit for the pastor preaching “at” you.

With a clear conscience, I can honestly say that I do not believe that I have ever intentionally preached “at” a person. In fact, I have occasionally taken out an illustration or a homiletic point if I think it might hit too close to home after a recent conversation. If you want to grow in the Christian life, just come simply to the preaching of the Word of God, and it will be God’s means of grace to you.

Recognize that after 5-7 years at the same church, you will probably experience “the grass is greener” syndrome of church membership.

The syndrome of “the grass is greener” on the other side of the (church) fence is real in our FOMO culture (Fear of Missing Out).

You may develop wanderlust: for a new preacher, a new worship band, and a new group of people.

Plodding along in the Christian faith seems…well…so ordinary.

During these seasons, you may need to be reminded that Christian growth is often slow, gradual, and plodding. You may suffer from a misdiagnosis of your spiritual condition, thinking you need something “splashy” when, in fact, you need to buckle down in your faithfulness and in your “long obedience in the same direction”.

In addition, you may need to increase your gratitude to God and intentionally show grace to others in the church during these seasons of discontentment.

After a season of leading, it is vital that you learn to extend a bunch of grace and trust to the new leaders.  

One of the hardest things to do in the church is to step out of leadership. Suddenly, you see things being done differently. Suddenly, you are not “in the know” like before.

It’s easy to be grumpy about the changes. It’s easy to feel left out or begin to complain about the changes. Learn to practice the same kind of trust and generosity of spirit that you wanted extended to you when you were in the leadership hot seat.

People you have enjoyed relationally for a season in the church will move on.

This will feel like rejection. This will feel like a wound.

You will be tempted to blame the church or the pastor. You will be tempted to think you know “the real reason” this person left the church and try to fix the church for this one person.

Practicing “graceful exits” within the life of the church is important, and, perhaps, as important as practicing “graceful welcomes”. Both will be needed for people who stay long-term in the life of the same church.

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